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Jane Doe No More: The fight against rape

Posted: Thursday, April 26, 2007 10:00 PM by Sam Go
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by Sara James, Dateline correspondent

Jane Doe. Over my years as a reporter, I've read countless police reports about her, and always found that spare, staccato pseudonym doesn't do her justice. Is her real name Melanie or Janice or Grace?  Because behind that fig leaf of anonymity, there is a real woman: A woman whose life changed in an instant, a woman who has been subjected to violence, terror and heartache.  

The name and the anonymity are meant to protect, as a sort of verbal shield.  But sometimes it's necessary to put down a shield to fight a battle. At least, that was the case for one woman  we met.  She was a woman ready to reclaim her identity. To be Jane Doe No More. A woman named Donna Palomba.

When I met Donna at lunch a couple of years ago, I was impressed. She's a warm, dynamic woman, successful in business and clearly devoted to her husband and children. But I was also struck by her natural reserve.  She's clearly a very private person.  So why choose to go public? Why tell her story on television?  Why start a Web site called "Jane Doe No More"? 
 
The reasons couldn't be more obvious. Strong as she is, Donna knows firsthand how devastating it is to be raped. She also knows that the aftermath -- the police, hospital, court system -- can be another ordeal. Strong as she is, she acknowledges she could have used assistance, both in coping with the emotional fallout of her attack, as well as negotiating the complicated legal labyrinth.  Donna's goal -- like most good ideas -- is both deceptively simple and potentially far-reaching.  She wants to reach the other Jane Does.  Give them the support they need.  Remind them that, while they may choose to stay anonymous, which is just fine, they shouldn't feel they must.  After all, they did nothing wrong.   They were victims of crime.   

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Since 2007, Donna has addressed thousands of people - students, law enforcement and social service professionals.  Jane Doe No More, through janedoenomore.org, has reached tens of thousands more. And every day Donna feels more certain that going public was not just the right thing to do - it was the only thing she could do to help change the way society treats sexual assault victims. 

I remember a day when it was difficult to talk about breast cancer because no one wanted to mention the word "breast" in public.  These days, no one thinks twice.  I hope the day will come when no woman feels any shame about rape.  Perhaps then, there will indeed be Jane Doe No More.

Click here to see Sara James' report, "The Man Behind the Mask."

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Comments

I too, am a former rape victim who saw her abductor and attacker escape from the grasp of the criminal justice system. Donna, you serve as inspiration for all who are victims of devastating crimes.
There are many heros in this story, but certainly the personal integrity of the Police Chief and his attitude to follow his intuition in the case is phenomenal. Donna and John are special people indeed. The statute of limitations for sexual offenses should be removed and sexual offense cases should be open until they are solved. Period.
I didn't have the courage to come forward when I was raped many years ago. The world just didn't look at it the same way then and I was just a kid...scared for my life and nowhere to turn. I am SOOOO happy to see you taking this stand and making women realize that they do NOT have to feel shame or hide any longer! Thank you!!! :)
I feel for the lady, and what she went through was atrocious. Unfortunately, Sara James is the worst correspondent I've ever seen and she repeated her self over and over again. This story could've been wrapped up easily in about 5 minutes. The way this story was presented is a disgrace to journalism and broadcasting as a whole. I have wasted an hour of my life, and all i wanted to see was whether or not the rapist was found and justice was served to Donna. I will never watch Dateline ever again. NBC needs to fire Sara James asap. Peace Yo.
Glad you were strong enough to get thru your ordeal and tell victims that it is not their fault. It is important to empower them and support them. Maybe advocates need to look at taking a DNA sample at birth and creating a National DataBase??? God Bless you and your family!
This story is a great encouragement. What amazes me is the level of support Donna received from her husband. I am sure his support make a world of difference. It would be great if he could add his views on how to survive such a tragic occurance because usually a person's marriage [and life] falls apart after such an act.
I am thrilled that her husband had the courage to speak out....My wife was Raped by a Stalker who had our whole community believing that it was an affair, BUT I believed her....unfortunatly she never contacted the police. He is walking around free, she is seeking counciling through a Womens Resourse Center and I am going crazy living with the rumors in our small town. It was so awesome to hear the Male side of this...I hope that she (Donna) can help the males in these cases too. It was good to hear her husband say "i wanted to kill him" because I felt that way too, and I trusted nobody. BUT I also know that, this would solve nothing and hurt more of my family and friends than what it is worth! I am GLAD they both had the courage to stand up and speak out! AMAZING and GOD BLESS BOTH John and Donna
God Bless you and your family! You are an amazing woman and i really hope this story and your organization will help people who are victims of sexual assault to come forward and get the low life scum who did it to them. Good for you and I hope all the businesses in Waterbury get involved to help your organization, I know mine will.
Donna it is so wonderful that you have the courage to come forward. If every rape victim came forward and put a human face on rape I belive we would be amzed at the fact the we would probaly come to find out that we know victims and are not even aware that they are victims.I also have to commend the 21 year old at ABC that had the strength to come forward and report the assualt that uncovered what a decitful man John Regan truely was and is. Horray that the High school student had the strenght and courage to fight off the attempted abduction.
I have no time to respond now, and this is a fast responce, but I would like for someone to listen to me and investigate a long-a-go and long-term situations related to concerns about a particular and influencial male's, sexual behavior. And much more. It includes a well thought about, by family, investigators and others. the murder of someone. I do need to go now, but your story revived my courage. I need direction. If possible, plese reply. L.
My Heart goes out to Donna and her husband! I watched the TV program Sunday Night.I was so releaved that they finally caught that MONSTER! I think That a few members of the Waterbury police knew back then who the Monster was but, being friends with him...kept it Hush...Hush...just my thoughts! God bless you Donna, and John...hang in there!
At age 19, I was robbed, sexually assaulted, and attacked with a knife by a total stranger, while walking home from a friend's house. The criminal was never found. Even though this occurred almost 40 years ago, in 1969, I will never forget that horrifying incident. Equally horrifying and humiliating as the rape itself was the nonchalant, callous treatment by the police and the ER doctors in attendance at the hospital I was taken to. I was constantly badgered as to "whether or not I was a virgin," and "was I sure it wasn't my boyfriend" who had dragged me into an empty backyard in the dead of night? In the end *I* was the one who was made to feel like the perpretrator....as if being attacked and violated was all my fault. The years pass, healing occurs, but you never forget. I am outraged everytime I hear or read about accusatory attitudes toward a rape victim. I'm thankful for this lady and work she is doing. God Bless her!!
I FEEL YOUR PAIN; I WAS NOT BELIEVED EITHER. THANK GOD FOR SUPPORTIVE HUSBANDS AND FAMILY. I WOULD LOVE TO HELP; TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! DEBRA GRANGER, MATTHEWS, NORTH CAROLINA
God Bless you and your family! You are an amazing woman and i really hope this story and your organization will help people who are victims of sexual assault to come forward and get the low life scum who did it to them. Good for you and I hope all the businesses in Waterbury get involved to help your organization, I know mine will.
I've just finished watching tonight's story on Jane Doe and The Man Behind the Mask. I found the story intriguing, obviously, since I watched it through to the end. However, I doubt I will ever watch Dateline again. Between the plethora of obnoxious commercials and your tiresome technique of reviewing each segment before the next one began, I found the show near unwatchable. It seems to have been put together for the dumbed-down People magazine brood which lacks any sort of attention span. Of course, the function of replaying and summarizing each segment does draw in those people who tune in part way through the show, but it is agonizing to anyone who comes in at the beginning. To say that the show was dragged out would be doing an injustice to the term.
Once again Ms Palombo, my wife and I just saw the MSNBC piece and are amazed at the courage and determination you and your husband have demonstrated. You have opened many doors and gates to the many victims. Being hispanics we are constantly faced with similar cases within our communities as well as in our countries of origin. Let this be a lesson of verticality to ALL WOMEN AS WELL AS MEN...AND LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS. Raul & Glorybell Cordova Tampa, Florida
Dateline and Donna Palombo should be congratulated! What an amazing story. There was great perseverance involved and much good will come from the tragedy. Good luck in your future endeavors helping victims.
I was 17 when I was raped. I have to say that false accusations are not as rampant as most people think, in the aftermath of the Duke case. However, my rape cost us over $10,000,nearly cost my life, but almost cost the minimum of 3 psychologists, antidepressants, and doctor's checkups. Our insurance company wouldn't cover it, even though it was a medical emergency. I could not get my courage up until a few years after to contact the DA, who said it was a waste of time, and that I would also have to file a civil suit. If anything, the courts are aimed to help the rapist, and not the victim.
I was raped by my best friends father when I was 17. He had known me since I was 10 years old. To this day, no one that knows me knows this happened to me. I am now 53 years old. Stories like this make me realize that I should have told someone--He told me that night- "I waited for you to grow up"! I don't even know for sure why I'm sending this but it's time I let somone know what happened to me.
Just another message from Linda...I need courage and support. I have let this situation, left in the dark for some ten years...due to the kids, Because it is their father). Soon those who know what happened will be dead. Do I just let it go and let God deal with it or do I now try to protect those who may be victems? Forgive the spelling and quickness of this. I must run. I really need your insight as to how to proceed..... L.
Dear Sara, We watched your show with fear and tears in our eyes. John Regan has always been of concern to us. Because of the the similarity the Saratoga victim shared with our daughter Molly Bish, who was abducted from Comins Pond, in Warren, Ma., on June 27th, 2000. She was 16 years old, a lifeguard,an athlete, blond, blue eyed, and very public victim. We know Mr. Regan's employment took him to nearby Sturbridge, Ma. Our community was having a great deal of construction work going on, at the time of our Molly's disappearance. Our high school was being renovated and a junior high school was being built. We know a local roofing company bought supplies from his company. Can you help us investigate this further? You can go to "Finding Molly Bish" to find out more about her abduction and murder. Only 26 of Molly's bones were found after three long years of waiting. It is now nearing seven years with no answer to who or why? We admire Donna's courage. Thank you, Sara. Magi and John Bish
I just watch the show about Donna. I am also a resident of Waterbury & know first hand how you can treated by the WPD...This is nothing new! I have a missing adult friend William Smolinski and his Family was treated shabbley and never collected any evidence etc...I am so glad Donna finally received some sort of justice..Thanks for exposing the WPD maybe things will change now!
GREAT program Jane and Donna, VERY well done. It did stir up a bit of old stuff for me, and I tried calling the 800# on JaneDoeNoMore.org - a link to the National ...Victims..something. They as usual were not as helpful. Automatically transferred my call to a number near me, where someone said they could take a message. Hmmm. Bummer. This next part doesn't need to be posted..[I'm a survivor of severe abuse and rape from my childhood. Have been working on healing from it for the last 38 years, and still suffer serious PTSD. I'll always be a Jane Doe in terms of that, and have never had any possibility of justice. Luckily, most of the perpetrators are dead now, but not enough of them for me to be able to talk about it openly. I would love to find a way to tell my story as a Jane Doe.] I love the name of the new web site: JDNM Hurrah!! Hurrah!! Hurrah!
I just watched the program and it stuck me about the Police Captain, O'Leary, that helped this Lady. In a time where the police are precieved that all are on the take, what a man of priciple, that he would do the right thing regardless of how he was treated by his own department. Man, if only every policeman across this country was made like this man is!
I agree with her. I was raped when i was 14 coming home from school i have a daughter from that rape they never caught the person.Then when i thought i had my life back on track i was married for 10 years then when it started to go down hill and i separated from him he came back and raped me in from of my children and he went to jail for it but the on;y thing is they gave him probation for 3 years. How does a woman that has been raped get over it they really don't u are always looking over there shoulders and wondering if there still watching them. I got help for me and my children but they always have them feelings. So i know what she is going through all you can do is take one day at a time and work through it.So good luck on this site.And god bless you and your family.
Thank You!!!!!!!!!! GOD Bless
Donna, You are an asset to our times. You, your husband and also Neal O'Leary have done such a service to so many on so many levels. Most of all, Waterbury Conn. owes you a debt of gratitude. God bless you all
How shocked I was to hear the words "Overlook" and "Waterbury" the other morning... I had to listen.... I didn't get to hear but two minutes, but it was enough! I didn't get to see the show tonight but I lived there for years and know all the people involved -- terrifying to see the faces of people I lived with in our nice neighborhood....Now I have to see the rest of the story..
I was raped by a boyfriend after we had broken up and I was involved with who is now my husband. I was advised by the police not to file charges because I had gone to his apartment. He was moving to another state and wanted to give me something of mine that he still had so he asked if I could stop by. Before we married I discussed this with my future husband who was sympathetic...at the time. However, now he doesn't miss a chance to throw it in my face that there was no way that Steve raped me or he would have been arrested. There are very few people that know about it and I now wish that I had never told anybody.
Thanks for sharing your horrific ordeal Donna. I am truly sorry the Statue of Limitations had run out before Regan was found gulity of your case. He deserved to have that crime on his rap sheet too. I admire your courage and your husband was amazing on Dateline. He is so supportive and I am so proud of you for turning such a negativity in your life, you chose to use it so positively to help others. I trust your breast cancer was cured and it proves there is a God, because he gave you a miracle and I am sure you feel so blessed for that. I will pray for you, your husband and your children. Sincerely, Carolyn Smith
This lady is beyond brave and remarkable. I am so glad to hear that she was able to overcome the corruption and incompetance of the Waterbury Police Dept. I think the Moran brothers were just as evil as the rapist.
Wow!!!! What a wonderful, strong Christian family! I am amazed at what a powerful woman that Donna is. All I can say is "YOU GO GIRL!"
Unjustified women in a world ruled by men's rules.
Donna Palombo is an inspiration to victims of rape(regardless of age) everywhere! It is so important for women to stand up and speak out against these vicious crimes. As women, empowerment is essential to prevent these monsters from doing this to anyone else! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK JANE DOE NO MORE!!!!!
I'm watching Sara James' Dateline segment -- an informative piece. My only complaint -- why did this take 2 hrs to present? The pertinent details could have fit into a standard 1 hr segment. The steady stream of "photo shoot posing" of Donna, and Donna & John [used for background during the repetative narrative] was distracting. The segment editor & producer really thought this required 2 hrs of programming time???
God bless you Donna and all who have been there. Your a woman to look up to Donna. I raised 2 daughters alone.
I watched this show and will watch it again. I saw four special, courageous people...Donna, her husband, the newspaperman, and the Cop who would not let the case die on a shelf somewhere. Each one played an important part in believing the truth needed to be revealed and a predator should be charged and taken off the streets. How Donna has maintained a life is beyond me, no one should suffer like that. Thank you Dateline for airing this, it was one of your best.
your story is inspiring. Mahalo. what i get tired of is the way most of these shows are put together. re showing video and comments over right after a commercial. it seems you always take two steps backwards every three minutes. i guess that is one way to stretch the content and get more commercials in. you will call say it is for the sake of continuity. give the viewer some credit for being able to remember what they have seen for more than 2 or three minutes. mahalo for the story
Greetings to all, and especially to Donna for her courage to be patient. I was raped at the tender age of 13, by my mother's boyfriend. Get this, my mother was so angry with me that within about a month she had me on a one way ticket to go to school in Jamaica, West Indies, AND KEPT THE MAN. She abandoned me there for 3 years until there was a coo and American's had to be brought back to the states. She never called, never wrote, only sent the money to board me there. AND--when I returned home(age 16) the man was still there. I blamed my entire family, and from that point on I knew I was an orphaned child. It did a lot of distruction throughout my entire life. I am just recovering and learning to cope with the entire thing. I am glad I left home and joined the military. Completed 22 years and now happily retired, and married to a man who truly loves me. It has taken me many years to learn to trust. I only thank God He kept me around to figure it all out and to forgive Bill Hoston in Los Angeles, California. Forgiven for the act, but will never forget the effect. Blessing to all of you.
Thanks so much for your courage and strength. I was raped 5 years ago by a evil and calculating monster, who used the court system to discredit me. For the last 5 years I have hated and lost total faith in people, my country and the entire judicial system. I live in a very small farming community in Virginia. My attacker lived in another county from where I lived. The day before he assaulted me, he went and drew false charges of trespassing, and assault charges,claiming I had slapped him in the face. The fact that I am 4'10" tall and he was 6'4 would be a major stretch for someone who is 18 inches shorter. I felt bad enough when he was not convicted, but one year later he decided to move 4 miles from my home. There is still not a day that goes by that I do not crawl out of my skin just to see him in passing. The night he raped me, a part of my heart is dead, like someone put a clamp over it.
I am not familiar with any rape cases past or present,but I am convinced that pedofiles, male or female, should come under the same concern for support.In Vt.neighbors legally need to be notified if the pedofier comes into the areas that have children,and some only get a few months in jail.However I hardly read about any rapes as the courts make you out to be the predator & not the victim.Although more females are into Law Enforcemt these days and some really do have a heart.You just need to find the right lawyer & I hope you get an honest Judge.I will pray for you as wishing you good luck just wont help.
In 1994, at the age of 50, I was raped by two men; orally, and vaginaly. I relive the horror of that rape on a daily basis. That night I knew that I was dead....leaving that room was not a miracle I had any hope of. I have since then been in therapy off and on for years, to no avail. I don't, at this time, know how I would go about taking off the mask that I wear. It feels like I will go to my grave with the detailed, debilitating memory of that night. I commend Donna, and her husband, for removing her mask and exposing the unimaginable pain caused by her rape. I am happy for her that in exposing her pain, and her rapist, she has now the ability to heal.
I watched the show last night. Brought back the times I was raped I once after another man tried to rape me call one of the men that raped me(I was only 15 when he did this to me) & asked him why he did that to me.He told me cause I was just to sexy looking & thats what he thought I wanted even with me begging him not to do this to me & crying. I will always rember it & I now know I didn't desire to be raped & it was if a woman says no IT'S No.Please don't do this to anyone. Not to say anyone is a ripest but think before you do anything if the woman says No. Maybe she really means NO.Back when I was raped it wasn't spoken of it was a taboo you were marked as you were trash & you asked for it. So I never told anyone.By the way it was someone I trusted & knew.
Donna Palombo, was in a fragile mental state after her attach for years, but she rose from the ashes!!! Her strength, fighting will and the support of her husband and family are an inspiration to all women! I am proud of you donna!!!
I am the victim of a date rape 3 months ago. I was taken from a public place, drugged, raped and left to die. When I came to conciousness 5 hours later, very close to death, I found my cell phone and called 911. The police officer who arrived didn't see the obvious signs of what happened to me (even though I had no pants or underwear on and was barely alive). He arrested me for DUI and I spent 12 hours in jail, where I was told to shower. After reporting the rape, as details unfolded the following week and I was being treated for an STD contracted from the rape, I was charged with false reporting by the police. I am currently fighting these untrue accusations. Meanwhile, I am stuck in Oregon, my home is Hawaii, because the courts won't let me leave unless I give them $500 and fly back for court dates and trial. Women's Crisis Center cannot help me because the DUI charge (although it's false and invalid) is a criminal charge and they don't get involved with criminal charges. The public defender I have will not make a claim against the police and I don't have money for an attorney. This man is still out there, free to drug and rape women while I fight in court to prove my innocence. I feel stuck in a nightmare. This show helped me not feel so isolated. I hope all law enforcement officers and hospital employees will educate themselves on date rape drugs so no other woman has to be treated as I have been. Thank you for airing this show.
Dear Donna and Husband John, You are both two of the most courageous people I"ve heard about! God bless you both for sticking together through all of your ordeal and bringing it to viewers so no other family should suffer as you have. Also the honest Police Chief who stood by you, may God bless him as well, he's to be commended for doing what was right, a rare thing these days. I wish you all the best. Holly Labo
I want to say as a woman who has been through this and is still struggling everyday I thank you for making me feel not so alone. I am sorry that you had to endure such a violent act but, buy you coming out and putting a face to this ugly crime you are helping many women face their own situations. Thank you and good luck to you.
There should be better laws in place to protect rape victims. Also rape victims should not be treated like they are on trial when in court to prove that they were raped. Perpertrators also need to be given longer sentences for these sexual henious crimes.
I was raped the first time 50 years ago as a teenager and it set me up for years of abuse. It took me many years to realize that I wasn't to blame for the actions of an abusive person. As a senior citizen, I relish the fact that I live alone and have seriously loud alarms on every window and door in my home and nobody comes into my home without my permission. It took me so long to find such a small bit of peace and that it came at a truly high price. How many men have to pay this kind of price?? I am not a man-hater, but after watching the show last night I saw how all the men stuck together and protected each other. How does this happen and how long will it go on? Thanks for your show. . it's going to make a difference!
I was so impressed with her convictions and her family support especially her husband. It normally doesn't go that well. Please let me know what I can do. I live in a small town in Northwest Indiana.


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