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Jane Doe No More: The fight against rape

Posted: Thursday, April 26, 2007 10:00 PM by Sam Go
Filed Under:

by Sara James, Dateline correspondent

Jane Doe. Over my years as a reporter, I've read countless police reports about her, and always found that spare, staccato pseudonym doesn't do her justice. Is her real name Melanie or Janice or Grace?  Because behind that fig leaf of anonymity, there is a real woman: A woman whose life changed in an instant, a woman who has been subjected to violence, terror and heartache.  

The name and the anonymity are meant to protect, as a sort of verbal shield.  But sometimes it's necessary to put down a shield to fight a battle. At least, that was the case for one woman  we met.  She was a woman ready to reclaim her identity. To be Jane Doe No More. A woman named Donna Palomba (pictured below).

When I met Donna at lunch some months ago, I was impressed. She's a warm, dynamic woman, successful in business and clearly devoted to her husband and children. But I was also struck by her natural reserve.  She's clearly a very private person.  So why choose to go public? Why tell her story on television?  Why start a Web site called Jane Doe No More?
 
The reasons couldn't be more obvious. Strong as she is, Donna knows firsthand how devastating it is to be raped. She also knows that the aftermath -- the police, hospital, court system -- can be another ordeal. Strong as she is, she acknowledges she could have used assistance, both in coping with the emotional fallout of her attack, as well as negotiating the complicated legal labyrinth.  Donna's goal -- like most good ideas -- is both deceptively simple and potentially far-reaching.  She wants to reach the other Jane Does.  Give them the support they need.  Remind them that, while they may choose to stay anonymous, which is just fine, they shouldn't feel they must.  After all, they did nothing wrong.   They were victims of crime.   

Donna has a strong team assembled for Jane Doe No More. She also has both courage and stamina, as she has proved in the years since her attack.  I look forward to seeing all she achieves with her new initiative.  I remember a day when it was difficult to talk about breast cancer because no one wanted to mention the word "breast" in public.  These days, no one thinks twice.  I hope the day will come when no woman feels any shame about rape.  Perhaps then, there will indeed be Jane Doe No More. 

Sara James' report, "The Man Behind the Mask' airs Dateline Sunday, April 29, 7 p.m. Click here for Web-exclusive video of Palomba talking about why she decided to come forward.

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Comments

I support the lady. This is real guts. Wow. Retired GI here and rape victims are also PTSD victims and their lives are changed. They do need support. There is no stigma here in my head, they were hurt by evil. I hope this works. Real guts. Wow.

Robert, Bella Vista, Arkansas (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 12:53 AM)

I'm glad to see the support forming. Unfortunately the police, etc., are necessary because of the seriousness of the charge for the alleged rapist. Just as more than one woman has been a victim of the system, more than one man has had a life ruined by a false charge. Godspeed.

Pete Farris, St. Michaels, MD (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 6:07 AM)

Thank you for your site

Sandra Gabriele Providence RI (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 9:20 AM)

great site keep it up for all to see

sandi RI (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 9:32 AM)

My identity was protected in the media during my rape trial until charges were dropped for lack of evidence, and the rapist was celebrated as a victim of false accusations. Within an hour, The district attorney's office announced my name, news vans were on my lawn and a month later there was a dateline NBC interview about the situation--only I was being treated as a liar. I was a rape victim. He was a rapist, not a victim of false accusations. I am a survivor of rape by an elementary school teacher, and for as awful as the public situation was at the time, being open with my rape has been a big relief to me. Friends and family all know and there is a huge sense of relief and relaxation in that. They don't see me any differently, I've been able to move on with my life. We shouldn't be ashamed to tell our names. We shouldn't hide in shadows or have our voices changed in interviews. We should be proud of our survival.

margaret powell, Washington DC (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 9:40 AM)

AS A PERSON THAT HAS BEEN RAPED, I COULDN'T AGREE MORE ABOUT THE STIGMA INVOLVED WITH RAPE.ALTHOUGH MINE OCCURRED YEARS AGO IT STILL HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY.I KNOW IT WAS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE INCIDENT...HOPEFULL WOMEN TODAY WILL BE ABLE TO POINT THEIR FINGERS AT THE RAPIST AND FEEL PROUD THAT THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING...PERHAPS THEY WILL TAKE A CRIMINAL OFF THE STREET AND NOT HURT SOMEONE ELSE..

LINDA HIGHLAND SPRINGS, VA (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 10:49 AM)

I found this story timely and personally encouraging in light of the fact that I was sexually assaulted by a Department of the Defense Civilian Employee in the Darmstadt (Army) military community in late 2005 and continue to work in the same building with this predator who, in the aftermath of his assault on me, has gone to great lengths to demean my character as well as sexually harass scores of other women in this community. In an attempt to gain some level of closure,I,too, took an opportunity to write a letter to the editor of the European-based Stars and Stripes Newspaper (published 24 Apr 2006). I have amassed credible documentary and other prooof that there is a sexual predator in this community, yet, despite this, he is allowed to reign free to this day!! I am actively seeking legal representation in the hopes of pursuing this matter further in a court of law. Your article speaks to the importance of victim's using their voice to empower themselves as well as others. Thank You.

Lorraina Nyanza, Darmstadt, Germany (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 11:17 AM)

I was raped in the late 1970's. I can still recall every minute of the attack. They never caught the person that did the crime and with alot of counseling I have been able to move forward. The only aftermath I still have is going into my house when it is completely dark. I can sleep in the dark but walking into a dark house I still take a deep breath. I thank God that when I was attacked my children were not at home. My regret is that people feel the victim had to have done something to cause such a violent act. Being the victim my anger is that a person took from me something that was not given but taken. It's stealing, robbery, and the majority of the victims never feel 100% safe again!!!!!

kathy, sarasota, florida (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 1:43 PM)

After the Duke LaCrosse debacle, perhaps we shouldn't name the male defendants either. The "fairness" pendulum is weighted far in favor of the accusor in these instance!

Marty Porter (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 2:53 PM)

This piece could have also addressed the Associated Press' and other news' outlets' policies of not publishing the names of (adult) victims of rape. They publish the names of mugging, stabbing and beating crimes. Personally, I don't think any victim's name should be published because not everyone wants a public record of their painful experience, but if the policy is to report victims of "non-sexual crimes," it should be consistent enough to report the names of sex crime victims who are not minors. The key here is "crime." Rapists are criminals, with criminal minds and mentalities; their weapon happens to be that which is permanently attached to them, and , as such, may give them far more opportunity for crime than the average gun-toting mugger. Mainstream media: stop perpetuating the cloak of shame that surrounds rape victims.

Em K (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 3:07 PM)

Thank you for this site please circulate for every one ! Women and Men RI

sandi Gabriele (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 4:03 PM)

I will no longer be a jane doe either.

Gina Reno, Nevada (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 4:08 PM)

Good for her! We need a lot more people with her courage! Then, the world would be a lot better place.

Karen Raymond Eastport MI (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 5:02 PM)

I am proud of you having the strength and courage to go forward after such an ordeal. The only shame from a rape should be on the shoulders of the rapist! Perhaps a website should come about called "He(with a picture or pictures of him posted with his name) raped me"

Staci Warner Amite, LA (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 6:00 PM)

The worst thing about being a survivor of rape is the shame we heap on ourselves. The guilt of somehow not doing something more to keep from being a victim in the first place. The truth is- if I survived then I did the right thing. It took me the better part of 10 years to journey from victim to survivor. I still fight the residual effects of post-traumatic stress particualrly on the anniversary and it has been 23 years now. We do need to take off the mask, forget the shame and place it where it belongs- with the rapist. Thank you for this article.

Elise Jones, Candler, NC (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 7:55 PM)

I am a rape survivor. I was told by police that there was nothing they could do since I decided to wait more than 72 hours to report the crime. There was no evidence, and although I could press charges, the reality was, that I would more than likely not win in court and that my pain would be greater then than it already is. Who's to say that would be the case, now already five years down the road, I wonder, would I have felt worse or is what I am feeling now, hopeless for not even trying, worse? I think this article is wonderful. It gives everyone an option. Whether to be silent which is justifiable, or to speak out, which is also justifiable. You decide, for once, instead of everyone deciding for you.

Meredith French, Baton Rouge, LA (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 8:56 PM)

Jane Doe 992 says hooray! For years I have been stunned that other women do not even have rape on their radar screen. Hello, when you are in a room with 30 women, the odds are that 2 of them have been raped. Think about it. Now think about your daughter (or the monster you may be raising as a son).

Jane Doe 992, Huntington Beach CA (Sent Friday, April 27, 2007 11:36 PM)

I give prayers of thanks for women like Donna Palomba. I am a rape victim who never felt strong enough to go public and prosecute my attacker. From prior painful experience with the justice system, I believed I would be punished and shamed, rather than receive any justice. Thus, without closure or justice, I continue to feel like a victim of both my attacker and the flawed justice system of the 1980's. The changes I see unfolding, led by women like Donna, give me hope for justice and closure to other rape victims. Go, Donna! Go, Jane Doe No More!

Vicki Coheley, Centre, AL (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 2:27 AM)

Donna,I believe you are doing a great service to woman all over the world.You were a victim of injustice in more ways than one. A woman who has been victimized suffers .She deserves support and praise for coming forward to stop these perverts from hurting others. I'm truely grateful.You are a hero.Thank you

Tina I Poirier (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 7:59 AM)

I do fill her pain,but the word rape,can change a females life for ever!Not only fiscal abuse but mentally it makes you lose the person you really love , because if he finds out then there is a chance he will not want you !Or you want him , but can not stand to be touched anymore. and all the medical talk and meds will not change a thing.

Stanton from Ohio (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 8:56 AM)

I can understand this. I am a father of a little 9 year old girl who was molested and raped and a real early age. She is going to come out this summer with a project she has begun and is going to put a face for all people to see just how young our children are that are being molested, raped, abducted, and killed. I understand how society treats victims, it gives no value to there pain and suffering. It gives more credibility to the offenders/

Rodney Lemley (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:28 AM)

I think that this is a wonderful thing. I never even went to the cops after my rape...I REGRET IT EVERYDAY. What tremendous work this woman is doing...this takes a lot of courage.

knitaddict Nashville, TN (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:41 AM)

Donna Palomba is to be applauded. I am the author of See Sally Kick Ass: A Woman's Guide to Personal Safety and recently spoke at University of Missouri at Rolla on the topic of Preventing Sexual Assault. The statistics indicate between 20 & 25% of college women are raped or there is an attempt to rape them. Only about 5% of those attacks are actually reported due to shame, etc. I believe that if every attack was reported and prosecuted, the number of assaults on campus would decrease dramatically. Sexual assaults on campus are primarily date rape, but rape is rape! Society should place no stigma on rape survivors, rather should be supportive to do whatever it takes to get the rapist put away.

Fred Vogt (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 10:03 AM)

i personally have never been raped but i can imagine the fear you go through. i was abused and manipulated by my first husband for years. i did get help that i needed and it is real important to do that. i commend you for seeing that other rape victims get help. the judicial system can be a nightmare in itself. here is hope that you reach out to many to stop the fear in other victims. god bless you.

Ann Tillotson, Texarkana, Arkansas (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 10:34 AM)

It's long past time for women to stop hiding in the shadows of victim-hood, leftover attitudes of "she asked for it" now having been cleared away. Especially in the crime of date rape, when the attacker is known by name, women no longer should accept the intimidation that the hospital exam and questioning by police will only further humiliate her. If we are ever going to get the fairness that "equality" offers, and the justice due to us when we are criminally attacked, we are going to have to keep demanding it.

Kimberly, San Diego, California (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 12:39 PM)

that is sad how people blame themselves for what happened to them

alliiohno kinbuch, massachussets, boston (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 2:22 PM)

having been raped five times in my life,I have sometimes called the police,others not. The times have changed, thank God...and I have only now really started realizing how much those events have shaped and challanged my life...Ms. Polomba is indeed a brave and strong woman...the saying is, "when the student is ready, the teacher arrives", thank you for writing this article...to no longer feel a victim is a wonderful place to be. again, thank you. bsu

B. Sue Gaiser, LR,Ark. (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 7:26 PM)

Huh? Shouldn't the RAPISTS be the ones whose faces are plastered all over place?

Jane Doe, Somewhere, Europe (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 7:37 PM)

While I respect Donna's courageous act of reclaiming herself and her life by denouncing her identity as Jane Doe, I feel that it may put undo pressure on other woman who just might not be capable of such a stance. Some women do not need such a traumatic event following throughout their lives, something that would inevitably happen in the age of habitual "googling" and the like. Like I said, I commend Donna Palomba in her efforts to achieve her own version of closure, it is not for every woman. And for those women who wish to maintain their annonymity, it does not make them any less of a victim nor does it mean that they are not facing their own trauma and subsequent closure. Strength comes in various forms, and sometimes it is best to remain in private.

EJ Potter, Boston, Mass. (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:12 PM)

I applaud survivors doing anything they can to find relief from the hurt, shame and fear that lingers after a rape. After being victimized once as a child and again in my 20's, I struggled with how to handle disclosure. If I didn't mention it, did it mean I was ashamed? What was my goal if I did bring it up? Did I want sympathy or for someone to share my outrage or... what? For years I fell on the side of sharing this part of my history like any other part of my past. But in a strange way, I had a feeling that doing so kept the hurt fresh. For me, peace came after I stopped holding on to "rape victim/survivor" as part of my identity. I'd never deny that it happened... but not picking at that old wound has really helped me heal.

Wendy, Lodi, CA (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:27 PM)

very good message and hope all rape victims can get help by this and give donna all the credit in the world. good luck in everything you do donna. you deserve it.

denise grego, max meadows, va (Sent Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:36 PM)

She is a brave woman with care in her heart to tell the world not to be ashame of what has happen to her but letting others know that it is time to catch this guy enought is enought.She makes me proud to see her try to set the story straight terror against woman happens everyday just some do not tell.

Roger Dayton,Ohio 45403 (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 1:55 AM)

Go "Jane"! It makes me angry to know that when women have been violated and abused, that they should also be ashamed. That shame is misplaced.

C. Anderson (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 6:31 AM)

Good for her. I hope she was able to see her attacker behind bars. I will be watching this story.

Roni (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 10:15 AM)

I want to encourage Donna as a women who has also been thru the same experience but I was able to go to court it was trial by jury and the sentenced him to 4 yrs. But, the process was aweful as I had to take a lie detector test and was treated as the preditor instead of the victim. Keep up the great work and God knows the truth and I am sorry for the fact that the Police who are suppose to protect us sometimes make great human errors. But Almighty God knows the true and I commend you for your courage and again encourage you to continue.

Joyce Gallacher Bend Or (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 11:11 AM)

I was a domestic violence and sexual assault counselor for 7 years and I firmly believe that the offenders not the victims need to be the ones who should hide!

Stephanie Ritchie Cumberland Maryland (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 11:13 AM)

I agree that no woman, or child for that matter, should feel any shame or guilt for being a victim of rape. The demented individual, the rapist, is the one who is guilty and shuold be punished no matter who they are...

Theo Stickle (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 11:27 AM)

Donna Palombo has my sympathy. Rape should never occur and if it does there should be just punishment. However the trouble with the Jane Doe Shield is it lets such unfortunate incidents come about as the Duke Rape Case and the Kobe Bryant Incident. I do not like to think of any female being scared to report a rape because of the adversities caused her if her name is used. At the same time something must be done to avoid future incidents such as the Duke Rape Case and the Kobe Bryant Incident.

Leonard in Central Texas (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 1:41 PM)

you go girl!!!! what can i do?

vickie alandt, traverse city, michigan (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 2:05 PM)

My heart goes out to Ms. Palombo and any other victims of sexually-based crimes. While I have not known victims of rape, I have known victims of child abuse, and the scars from that last for the rest of their lives. My concern, however, is how do we as a society strike a balance between the rights of the victims and the rights of the accused? Also, in the case of false accusations, what happens to those who are victimized by the justice system? Of course, I'm talking about the Duke lacrosse case, where three young men not only had to prove their lack of guilt, but had to prove their actual innocence. But I'm not just talking about that. I'm talking about people like them, but are too poor to mount that kind of defense and end up spending years in prison for crimes they did not commit. So, while I honor and respect Ms. Palombo's courage, I am concerned about the welfare of her and all types of innocent victims.

Fred in Coastal Alabama (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 3:13 PM)

How about the male victims of sexual assault. 1 in 4 women are raped by the age of 25, but 1 in 7 boys are raped by the age of 25. Why is it ONLY women who are nameless, faceless victims. I am a man, and a male survivor of repeated childhood sexual assault. (And with a boy it is called Sodomy.) Maybe you should explain to my wife or my son why their daddy's name is published with the details of these horrible things from my purpotrator's trial, and my testimony to convict him. Please remember that women are only half of society, and that the sun doesn't allways shine on the other side of that fence. Women fought for equality, BUT will not give it when it comes to victimization, victim rights, or the rest of our lives. Just think about it ... do you know seven men ... if you say yes, then you know one male survivor of sexual assault as well.

John Doe (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 6:20 PM)

I was raped last may by a then 15yr old monster at knife point in my own home with my husband right downstairs. This kid told me that if I yelled he would kill me, my precious daughter, and husband. He told me he would tie me daughter to a tree rape her slice her neck from ear to ear, & I would never find her. When my chance came finally to tell some one it was nearly a month or so later and I was arrested for making a FALSE REPORT to the police and having sex w/ a minor. My police dept. didn't want to hear what happened to me. This kid that did this to me was arrested earlier for a robbery, drug charges, car theft, etc.& the police turned a blind eye to me. What is wrong with our police departments today? I was, and still am a victim of an awful, awful, crime, and I am the criminal?

Scared To Death Literally (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 7:02 PM)

I'm watching the NBC program now and am thankful to hear Donna speak so openly about her horrible experience. While visiting another country last year, I was drugged and sexually assaulted for several hours by two guys. I thought time would heal me as the memory grew weaker. Yeah, right. So it's comforting to hear others speak about the lingering effects of rape and sexual assault, and to realize that recovery is indeed possible.

Jane Doe, US (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 7:16 PM)

WOW what a tragedy to have happen to be assulted not once but twice Donna you show tru courage and real guts THANKYOU...You show me that persistance can pay off!! I actually cried while watching not for me, but for you and your husband he also showed courage we hear about things all the time where the victim is not believed and then revictimized AGAIN! Sometimes shunned in society as well and yes...it does brake your heart..AGAIN THANKYOU FOR YOUR PERSISTANCE!!AND ALWAYS GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!! Denise Jasenosky

Denise Jasenosky South St Paul Minnesota (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 8:17 PM)

Donna you are so so strong!!! We went thru the exact senario with the police dept. in the town we lived min after our daughter was killed in a car crash. Tapes with his statement were erased, police reports were altered and much much more. But we could not find anyone in that town to help us fight the dept. And we were numb with grief. It is 7 years now and the pain of the unjustice is stornger than ever especially when we hear stories like yours.

Sherry De Sousa, Whiting, Indiana (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 8:24 PM)

congratulations on Jane Doe No More. I'm thrilled that the issue of rape is coming out from under the rug. i myself am a 21 year old female and the first woman of my family to actually speak out about sex abuse. previously, generations before me allowed such devastating crimes to go unpunished, and except for myself, still do. i now suffer from ptsd and will live with the knowledge of my attack daily.the local courts didn't help much, and i actually ended up losing my family at ten while he recieved little more than a slap on the wrist, but hey- my pholosophy is what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? i hope to be an example for my mother and sisters to stand up for themselves. you go girl!

jennifer halleib, grass valley,ca. (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 8:27 PM)

my friend awoke to a rapist with a knife at her throat last may her 2 yr old daughter was in the bed with her and witnessed everything the police were very cruel to her and her husband because they did not believe her they thought she was having an affair and her daughter woke so she called the police and said she was raped so her husand would not find out they separated her from her husband and told him that his wife was lying that there was no way things could have happened the way she said the were not interested in any investigating as it turnrd out she had been raped by the man that killed a student in south carolina and later dubed the bikin strangler when he was aressted for this murder he confessed to my friends rape i wish for this not to be posted publicly

l. gann (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 8:48 PM)

how can the waterbury pd be so biased in a severe charge as rape? my heart goes out to Donna and her family to come forward .

Robert Franz, Victoria,Texas (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 8:55 PM)

One of the wonderful things about this story was that her husband stood by her....I have heard that often times this does not happen.

Norma, Tulsa, Oklahoma (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 9:04 PM)

As a Connecticut resident who had heard about this case over the years, I was so gratified to see this program and the result of the hard and honest detective work that resulted in its resolution. My question is: What about the Waterbury Police Dept.'s Moran brothers? Why were they allowed to ride off into the sunset after what was hardly "negligence" on their part, but rather malfeasance, intimidation, cover-up, destruction of evidence, etc? And where is this alleged "informant" who first planted the seed of doubt about Donna Palomba's credibilty? I would really like to see a follow-up on this aspect of the case.

Connie Reder, West Hartford, CT (Sent Sunday, April 29, 2007 9:07 PM)



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